We didn't tell anyone the actual day I went to have my blood test done.
We wanted to be able to celebrate or mourn by ourselves. I stopped
to have my blood drawn on my way to work. They said they would have my
results to my doctor by the end of the day.
James discovered in his research that it is best to do a blood test
because that is going to be the most accurate (duh) rather than doing a home
test. Due to the crazy hormones and
medications, you can test positive on an at home test but not actually be
pregnant.
Trying to concentrate on work was crazy talk. In the afternoon, I
found that I had a voicemail from one of the nurses. I knew immediately
from her tone of voice that it was negative. She asked me to call her.
I went outside to call her and she broke the news. Of course, I
started crying. I did my best to distract myself by going inside back to
work. I hadn't been able to get in touch with James to let him know and I didn't want my coworkers to know before him. It was so hard to keep my thoughts on anything but the BFN (Big Fat
Negative). The nurse ended up calling me back after she had spoken to my
doctor. He wanted me to go the next day for another blood test because
"stranger things have happened."
I started my cycle later that night so there was no need to go take the
test. I went back for a follow up appointment the following week.
The doctor explained that my estrogen level during IVF was over 1,100.
In a normal cycle it is in the 200's. He said that some doctors
have stopped doing fresh transfers because of the crazy hormone levels from all
the medications you are on to get your body to produce so many eggs at one
time. He explained that he still does fresh because he felt there was still a good percentage
for success.
We wanted to do a frozen transfer right away but he said we needed to wait
for my body to get back to normal. So now we wait. And pray. A lot.
We have the funds to do a single frozen transfer. If this one
doesn't work, we will either have to save up to try again or make a new plan.
We are finally sharing this with all of our loved ones because we are
asking for your prayers. Please pray for a successful FET. For
stress levels to be low. For our hearts to be healed. For
protection over the entire process. Pray for us to not have gambled away
all of this money with nothing to show for it but heartbreak.
Please, just pray.
****I feel that I should say that all of this is my own interpretation of
things.
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